Why We Do What We Do

Why we do what we do - misbehaving

Hello Cosmic Revolutionary,

Let’s explore why we do what we do in relationships

Have you ever wondered why your partner or your children do what they do in your relationship?

Why do they irritate and annoy you? Why do they power struggle with you? Why do you feel sometimes like you have to coach or coax them? Why do you sometimes feel like you want to hurt them back?

Sometimes we do things (consciously or unconsciously) that are designed to trigger a specific response from the people we love. This response that we’re seeking from each other fills an unmet need in us, usually in a not-so-healthy way.

Our partners and children do this too, creating a kind of mischievous pattern that can be emotional and intense and often results in two people trying to get unmet needs met in ways that can escalate and hurt.

Getting Our Basic Needs Met

At the root of most of the mischief created in partnerships are some very basic needs. All people, regardless of Type, need to feel loved, accepted, valued, and powerful. As children, if we don’t get these needs met in a healthy way, we often resort to unhealthy tactics to get these needs met.

Part of the reason why we don’t learn to get our needs met appropriately is simply a result of the limitations of being a child. If you’re two years old and your need for empowerment isn’t being met by your parents, you don’t have the vocabulary to tell your parents that you’re feeling particularly disenfranchised today and that you’d like to be given some appropriate power for your development stage.

Instead, you throw a fit because you don’t want to wear the green pants or wear the red socks or go to bed or eat dinner because engaging in a power struggle with your parents makes you feel powerful.

Mistaken Motivations

There are four key ways that we try to get these needs met. I call these the Mistaken Motivations.

The Mistaken Motivations are:

1 Power

2 Attention

3 Inadequacy

4 Revenge

Mistaken Motivations are behavior patterns that we use in order to elicit specific emotional responses from the people we’re relating with. This emotional response is a crucial “diagnostic” element in understanding why our partners or our children are doing what they’re doing. (Or why we’re doing what we’re doing…)

Basically, as we grow up, if we don’t get our core needs met, we learn to trigger specific emotions in our parents because they help us feel fulfilled.

So, for example, if you don’t feel like you’re parents are paying enough attention to you – maybe you have a new baby brother – you learn to trigger irritation and annoyance in your parents because when they feel irritated and annoyed with you, they pay attention to you.

Yes, it’s not positive attention, but to children who need attention to feel loved, negative attention can feel better than no attention at all.

If our parents don’t know how to help us learn to get our needs met appropriately, we can continue with these behavior patterns into adulthood.

The first step in stopping some of these patterns in your partnership is to start dialing in to how your partner’s (or your child’s) behavior is making you feel.

The diagnostic emotions for each Mistaken Motivation are:

1 Power = Feeling the need to overpower or win

2 Attention = Annoyed and irritated

3 Inadequacy = Feeling the need to coach or coax

4 Revenge = Feeling like you want to hurt your partner back

Different people with different elements in their charts will tend to specialize in one of these Mistaken Motivations.

So, for example, people who have non-motorized Throats (Generators, Projectors, and Reflectors) tend to need more attention than people with motorized Throats (Manifestors and Manifesting Generators).

We have the power to be better parents and partners when we learn to properly interpret our loved ones behavior. Knowing that your partner is unconsciously being annoying as a tactic to tell you that they’re not feeling heard or seen, helps you disrupt old hurtful patterns and shift the dynamics in your partnership. (BTW, if you’re a coach, this is also powerful information that can help you help your clients more effectively!!)

By understanding how to really see underneath why we do what we do in relationships, we have the power to truly see and love each other better.

Where to Start?

A good place to start would be to download a FREE CHART for you and your family to start to understand each other’s Human Design.

You may wish to work with a Human Design Specialist trained in Family Coaching to help you understand the family dynamics further.

From my Heart to Yours,


PS I hope this gives you new insights and ideas on ‘why we do what we do’.

Recent Posts

Hello Cosmic Revolutionary, She slumped on the couch in front of me. You could see that she had been a vibrant woman at some point, but life had hung exhaustion on her face. Deep rings under her eyes, her features pointed and tired, her forehead permanently creased from pain and

Dr Karen Curry Parker talks about The Truth About Change in her latest video. I wanted to take a moment this week instead of writing a newsletter and just reach out to you personally. I saw a Facebook meme that said  If you don’t believe that we can change the

Why Children Misbehave (and Adults) – a different viewpoint Hello Cosmic Revolutionary, What do you wish your parents knew about your Human Design? Take a moment and think about your answer. How would your life have been different if your parents had understood how you’re hard-wired, what you need energetically

Jamila Jamie - Team

Jamila Jamie

Jamila Jamie joined the team in 2020 and is now the Director of the Quantum Alignment System™, which is the advanced integrated Professional Training created by Karen Curry Parker that blends the Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), Quantum Human Design™, subtle body therapies (quantum essential oils & quantum flower essences) and traditional coaching. She is the point of contact from the moment you sign up for QAS Professional Training all the way through Certification. Jamila is the creator of the powerful Flower Essences used in this program.

Jamila is a 2/4 Time Bender (Manifesting Generator), Mother of one son, three precious fur babies 🐶🐾 and in true Time Bender fashion is a multi-passionate entrepreneur.

She is a Quantum Energist, Certified Homeopath, Quantum Alignment System Practitioner & Quantum Human Design Specialist, and certified in numerous other energy healing and psychology techniques.

From as long as she can remember, she was able to see and know things about people by being able to “read” their energy. An avid learner and self-proclaimed geek, she has been delving into Human Design for over ten years and uses this as the guidepost in all her work.

Jamila is also the creator of Quantum Essences. A unique and powerful holistic line of what her clients call “magical potions” 🪄 that elevate energy healing and help you realign with your energy template.

Jamila has written for several established websites and magazines. Her passion is to help women liberate their energy and take back their power so they live authentically…Bold, Fierce, & Free.