Setting Boundaries and Guilt Often Go Hand in Hand, Especially If These Areas Are Defined In Your Chart.
I hope this post finds you remembering, reclaiming, and defending your boundaries – and your value!
As a mother, it took me years to figure out boundaries. How much do I love? How much do I let go? When to say yes? When to say no?
Figuring out the maze of when to draw the line and when to erase it has always been very difficult for me. In my Quantum Human Design, I have the Channel 50/27 defined, the Channel of Sustenance, which predisposes me to guilt.
Guilt can be crippling. If your design predisposes you to be sensitive to how others feel, your sensitivity can cause you to care – to a fault.
Some sensitivity markers in the Quantum Human Design chart include (but are not limited to) an Open Emotional Solar Plexus, And Open G-Center, an Open Sacral Center, and the Gate 19, the Gate of Attunement.
If we in any way question our own value, we tend to struggle with boundaries.
Many of us learn early on that it’s not okay to say “no”. We don’t learn how to stand up for ourselves in a healthy way. We’re then fed into systems, like the education system, that further negates our own agency and our ability to set boundaries for ourselves.
We emerge into our adult lives utterly confused about how to choose what’s right for us, not knowing how to say “no” to the things that don’t feel aligned.
When we devalue ourselves we feel competitive, we compare ourselves to others and we buy into the lie of scarcity and lack. These behaviors can trigger guilt in sensitive people who struggle to set good boundaries because they’ve learned to be “nice” as a way of pleasing others and proving their worth.
If you’re a human living on this planet, you’re probably intimately familiar with this cycle.
If we don’t have healthy self-worth or if we’re living out our social conditioning around being “nice” we don’t like boundaries. We don’t like it when we have to uphold them. We get mad and think people are “mean” if they set boundaries with us.
As much as we wrestle with boundaries, they are essential to preserving our value.
- Boundaries give us guidelines and limits that support self-care.
- Boundaries protect things you’ve created and cherish.
- Boundaries allow you to stay in integrity with yourself and others.
- Boundaries support you in being better able to fulfill your purpose.
You don’t have to justify or rationalize your boundaries. If you feel resentful, used, angry or defensive, these emotions might not be you feeling “mean” or worse. These important emotional signals are often inner cues that are letting you know that your boundaries have been violated – or you failed to set good boundaries on the front end.
It’s okay – even VITAL – to say “no” when you want to.
Here’s the deal. Anytime we say “yes” when we want to say “no”, anytime we say “no” when we want to say “yes”, we run the risk of burning out. It takes a tremendous amount of energy to not set boundaries and to make inauthentic choices because of guilt or shame.
Even though it might be easier to give in to social pressure in the moment, in the long run, not setting good boundaries takes it toll.
When we are Lightworkers, we often confuse peace and harmony with a failure to set good boundaries or even the need to proclaim the truth and what is aligned with the inherent bias of the cosmos.
I’m not saying that we need to go to war and kill each other, but sometimes we have to make a stand and proclaim actions as wrong, hurtful or destructive.
Sometimes we have to serve in the Army of Love as world-changing revolutionaries.
Part of this service is taking good care of yourself. The age of Martyrdom is over. You’re not supposed to die for the cause. You’re designed to live fully – whole-heartedly – for the cause.
When you start to embrace the idea that you are a once-in-a-lifetime-cosmic-event who has a unique, vital, and irreplaceable role to play in the Cosmic Plan, you start to realize that your place in the world is worthy of being nurtured and protected.
- You start to allow yourself to nurture yourself, because you deserve it.
- You start to protect what you’ve created and cherish, because you deserve it.
- You allow yourself to stay in integrity with yourself and others, because you deserve it.
- You support yourself in being better able to fulfill your purpose, because you deserve it.
And because this is what the world needs from you. This is what you came here to do.
This week I invite you to explore where you may need to better shore up your boundaries. Where do you need to better remember who you are, proclaim and defend your value?
You deserve to live in integrity with yourself. The bold move of setting good boundaries preserves your value and your energy.
You deserve it.
From my Heart to Yours,
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